Sports Letters

Dear NBA,

Who exactly is in charge of scheduling your playoff games? A six-year-old? No, that's not possible because even a six-year-old has a basic understanding of the days of the week. An East game on Wednesday, then a West game on Thursday, then a day with no games on Friday. Okay, I understand so far. Then... another West game on Saturday? I am befuddled. Confounded. Bamboozled. Thank you for dragging the postseason out for as long as possible, in the most nonsensical way possible. If you are confused about the order of days, just ask Rebecca Black.

Sincerely,

Too confused to bother watching

Dear media,

It's about time you guys gave the whole Lance Armstrong "story" a rest. We get it. He cheated. So did EVERYONE else. And he won a bunch of times anyways. If he was still competing at a high level, that would be one thing. But the guy is done with top-level cycling, off somewhere else being a face for charity and a superhero. Let's speculate about something else for a while. 

Yours truly,

Blood Dope

Dear NFLPA and owners,

Come on. C'monnnnnnnnnnnnn. This whole CBA business is a bigger buzzkill than Buzz Killington. It's gotten to the point where ESPN thinks that it's newsworthy to show Mike Vick and a few Eagles playing catch in New Jersey. New Jersey. When you guys are done fighting over giant piles of money (to add to your giant piles of money), I'd really like to hear some real football news.

Fan always,

Locked Out