Baron and Me: The Return of B-Diddy

As the weekend approaches, so does the beginning of a new epoch in New York Knicks basketball - the Baron Davis era.  Called everything from "The Modern Day Messiah" to a "fat, injury prone knucklehead", Baron has been a polarizing figure from his days at UCLA not because of what he's done so much as what he's considered capable of.  A superb athlete with a gift for getting into the lane and 5 Dollar Boxes from Taco Bell, Boom Dizzle has drawn both the awe and ire of fans everywhere he's been - and he's been to quite a few places.

It's popular to trade Baron Davis; his reputation for enthusiastic starts and disdain for conditioning has made him the consummate trade bait, a player capable of generating unparalleled excitement around a basketball team when it's good.  But he's also capable of drawing criticism when his team plays poorly, and just as he feeds off the energy of an enthusiastic crowd, he feeds off the unsold hot dogs and fries when attendance falls and interest wanes.

However, the truth is that Baron Davis simply doesn't love basketball, and that's meant in the most complimentary way possible.  The game has been a means to numerous ends for him, ranging from sponsoring the Nike of the East to charity to his own clothing line.  This is perfectly captured by his personal website, Baron Davis' Boomiverse, on which only a single link is related to his basketball career.  In today's media saturated environment, we often expect athletes to love what they do; they play a children's game and earn a man's wage, traveling to exotic locals such as Cleveland and inspiring generations of children with their heroics to do what they love.  But perhaps Baron Davis is a different kind of hero, a hero for not embracing the mainstream.  His charitable work is admirable, and he has used his platform as an athlete to both spread awareness about important issues and do what he does love: fashion, creation, interaction with fans.  So what if he isn't around for extra wind sprints?

Baron is slated to make his Knicks debut any day now and with the team slumping his impact, positive or negative, will only be amplified.  In the coming months many fans will rise with him to epic highs, and decry some epic lows.  In all of this, I only urge fans to remember who Baron the person is, and that the same obsessive quality he lacks in basketball has allowed him to do good for others, and lead a happier, more fulfilling life.  If that's not the boom dizzle, I don't know what is.

Joe Silvestro is a regular contributor to Sports Casual, check back every Funday Friday for his witticisms concerning the Wide World of Sports.  Email him at jsilvestro21@gmail.com

Are You There God? It’s Me, Mike D’Antoni

 

Are you there God?

It’s me, Mike D’Antoni.  What the hell?  The Bobcats?  Really?  First you took Iman’s ankle and I get it, he’s a young kid not used to NBA action thanks to the lockout.  Then you took Amar’’’e’s ankle, but I didn’t say anything because as long as you leave his knees alone I can’t complain.  Now we get back to full strength, and we lose to the 2nd coming of Fat Shawn Kemp?

I just don’t understand, I thought I was your favorite son (ok, second favorite); I’m the man with the golden mustache, the guy who invented a fast paced, no defense system and poof – there’s Steve Nash in my lap, the greatest Canadian since Dudley Do Right.  I decided to change it up and take my talents to New York and bam – Amar’e Stoudamire the four-eyed power forward follows me there.  It was as if I could do no wrong.  Eddy Curry and Jerome James grew to biblical proportions, Shawne Williams stayed out of jail long enough to hit a couple of threes, everything was going my way.  I’ve done everything you’ve asked for God; I sacrificed Grant Hill’s knees in Phoenix, I took in a lost lamb when nobody else would care for him.  

Is it because you’ve found a new favorite?  Don’t think I didn’t notice that since he arrived, everything’s been different.  Is it because we’ve committed a deadly sin, like sloth?  That should’ve been offset by the cross Billy Walker has tattooed across his entire chest.  Is it because I’m Italian?  Lavazza has great flavor, and I promise that if I ever meet Benito Mussolini I’ll kill him, really I will.  

All I want is a sign; give me a sign, anything.  The next time Josh Smith takes a three, make it go in – surely that’s nothing short of divine intervention.  The next time Lebron James ruins his reputation, make him apologize – that would be nothing short of a miracle.  Part the sea of hair gel on Pat Riley’s head.  I don’t want to have to turn to the occult and Eastern religion, but I will if I have to; maybe Buddha will listen to my problems.  I don’t want a championship, I don’t want a defense.  All I want to do is beat the Bobcats, and the Raptors, and every other team located in a city with 50 basketball fans or less (Miami, looking at you).

Hugs and Half Court Shots,

Mikey from Italy

Joe Silvestro is a regular contributor to Sports Casual, check back every Funday Friday for his witticisms concerning the Wide World of Sports.  Email him at jsilvestro21@gmail.com

The Declaration of Independence: What Will It Take to Make Chris Paul a Knick?

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one player to dissolve the professional bands which have connected him with others, wild speculation ensues.  Almost immediately after the NBA Lockout was settled, Chris Paul's agent informed the Hornet's management that he "wants to be traded to the New York Knicks" and would not be signing a contract extension.  There is certainly a precedent for this type of conduct; for better or worse, players holding their teams hostage during a contract year has become the norm (a norm preserved in the form of extend-and-trades as part of the new CBA).

However, while Chris Paul has expressed a serious interest in the Knicks, the Hornets have good reason to not be seriously interested in making a deal with them.  The Knickerbockers unloaded essentially all of their tradeable assets (assuming Amar'e and Melo are untouchable) in their dealings with the Denver Nuggets, leaving them very little with which to entice New Orleans.  However, if the Knicks get creative there's still a chance that this deal can happen - here are the three most creative trade options which end in Chris Paul in the orange and blue.
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1) Knicks Get: Chris Paul    Greece Gets: Bailout   Hornets Get: Greece

Although the Knicks lack trade assets, the one thing Jim Dolan can always count on is money.  Everybody wins in this deal: the Knicks get Paul, Greece gets solvency, and the Hornets get the rights to all players and olives coming out of Greece in the next 10 years.


2) Knicks Get: Chris Paul      Hornets Get: Rights to Isiah Thomas, Marv Albert

The Knicks' current players may not be attractive trade bait, but the Garden's famous player and play-by-play man represent a tantalizing deal for the Hornets.  If anything, the Knicks are overpaying with this one.


3) Knicks Get: Chris Paul     Hornets Get: Spike Lee, Landry Fields, 2030-2035 first round picks

The 2030-2035 first round picks are the only first rounders the Knicks haven't already traded away.  Spike Lee is essentially Chris Paul with more Knicks gear and two fewer knees, and after Landry Fields retires he can put his Standford degree to good use in the front office.  There's no downside to this deal.

Joe Silvestro is a regular contributor to Sports Casual, check back every Funday Friday for his witticisms concerning the Wide World of Sports.  Email him at jsilvestro21@gmail.com