Saturday, April 23, 2011
Breaking News: Sacramento Kings Move to the Moon
In yet another brilliant commissioning move, David Stern of the NBA announced today that the Sacramento Kings franchise will indeed be moving. Although many league officials believed that the franchise would relocate to Anaheim, Stern threw everyone a curveball today when he announced that the team would be heading to the moon.
"We believe that the NBA is a global league," Stern said in a statement released this morning. "So now it is time to expand beyond the globe. There are lots of untapped revenue streams on the moon, and people will be more than willing to spend their lunar dollars on NBA games and merchandise."
Players such as Yao Ming, who spent years crumpling under earth's gravity, are excited about the opportunity to resurrect injury-plagued careers. Team doctors agree that the moon's low gravity will minimize the risk of nasty injuries.
Americans everywhere are rejoicing, as the United States has narrowly managed to beat out the USSR in the race to put the first professional sports team on the moon. The Russians were hoping to put a hockey franchise in space but hit a snag trying to convert Dippin' Dots to ice.
League officials expect that in the next few days, the team will formally announce the hiring of Jackie Moon as head coach and unveil the team's new name, the Monstars.