Sunday, January 30, 2011

All Star Games: A Rant

Dear NFL Pro Bowl,

Please stop trying. Nobody cares. The players don't even care. Guys are turning down free trips to Hawaii because of how little they care. You can't take a fast-paced, full contact game like football and turn it into a fun exhibition. Do something interesting the week before the super bowl. A skills competition, perhaps. Or just take a week off. But this is getting sad.

Dear NHL All Star Game,

What the hell?!?! What is this Team Lidstom vs. Team Staal crap? Who am I supposed to root for? Was East vs. West not good enough for you? You had to change it to the most ridiculous format possible? Let's face it, hockey: you're having a hard enough time as it is being considering a legitimate sport. I mean, your all-star game is on Versus. Still, I bet the six people watching right now are pretty pissed. Have fun remaining irrelevant.

KG is Awesome

Hilarious. Skip ahead to like 50 seconds.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Ping Pong Champion

This is wild. Pretty sure there's a rule violation in there somewhere. Irrelevant.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Hilarious Replay

Last night, the Cleveland Cavaliers went to New Jersey to take on the Nets. I'm assuming you missed the game, which the Nets (SPOILER ALERT) won in the final seconds, 103-101. The clip below shows the game winning shot.

It is hilarious for two reasons: 1) in the NBA, when ticky tac fouls get called left and right, the referees missed maybe the easiest call they'll ever see; and 2) it's just plain funny to see a grown man slap another grown man silly. Enjoy.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

NFL Playoffs: Conference Championship Picks

Packers vs. Bears
Who Wins? Packers, 38-21
Why? Because Aaron Rodgers > Jay Cutler. It's science.
Don't be surprised if... Devin Hester is responsible for 100% of the Bears' points.

Jets vs. Steelers
Who Wins? Jets, 24-23
Why? Because they are the [Tenacious D] Pick of Destiny.
Don't be surprised if... James Harrison kills somebody. Like, literally actually kills somebody.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Countdown Friday: Top 5 Surprises of the NFL Season

We are quickly approaching a sad day in the NFL season: the last Sunday with multiple football games. I know. It hurts. But eventually, we'll have to accept the fact that another year of football is coming to an end. Why not take a look back at the things that everyone was talking about this season? Here are my top 5 surprises from the NFL regular season:

5. A Sub .500 Team Makes the Playoffs - I hope we never see this happen again. It was a disservice to the league to even allow NFC West teams to play games this season. No, I haven't forgotten that the Seahawks won a playoffs game. But still. The division was an absolute atrocity.

4. The Return of Mike Vick - No judgments on morality here. It's hard to say whether or not we should forgive Vick. Many people believe his actions were too reprehensible for the quarterback to be allowed in the NFL again. Others argue for second chances. I can understand both sides, and don't feel this is the time to offer my own opinion. However you feel, you had to be surprised by his play this season.

3. The Chiefs Win the AFC West - San Diego had won the division every year since 2005. And they usually did it quite convincingly. But that was not the case this season, as Kansas City nabbed its first AFC West title since 2003.

2. The Cowboys and Vikings Disappoint - Preseason hype for these two teams was enormous. Many expected the Cowboys to be participants in their own stadium for Super Bowl XLV. And Brett Favre enthusiasts were sure that the QB would at least come close to his 2009 numbers. Both teams, however, stalled at the start. By week 10, it was clear that neither team would make the playoffs.

1. Arian Foster Runs Wild - Who saw this coming??? Arian Foster, nuclear during most fantasy drafts, wound up being the hero for most fantasy owners. Foster led the league in rushing yards 1,616 and in TDs with 16. And he did it on a mediocre team. Arian Foster is, without a doubt, the biggest surprise of the 2010 NFL season.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Love 'Em or Hate 'Em: Sports Cities

We're back for another edition of "Love 'Em or Hate 'Em." This time, we'll take a look at major sports cities. The 10 listed below were taken from the Sporting News list of the best sports cities in America. Ready? Go!

Detroit - Teams: Lions, Tigers, Pistons, Red Wings - Detroit has certainly gotten the short end of the stick when it comes to the American economy. Most of its sports teams aren't fairing much better. The Lions are finally (knock on wood) starting to turn around their embarrassing play. The Pistons, an Eastern Conference superpower several years ago, now reside near the basement of their division. The Tigers have, it seems, recovered from a 119 loss season in 2003. The Red Wings have been the surest thing for the city, winning Stanley Cups or at the very least, contending for them. Hatred rarely stems from pity, and that is why I Love Detroit.

Denver - Teams: Broncos, Rockies, Nuggets, Avalanche, Rapids - Denver has plenty of good teams, but certainly can't be considered a sports superpower. The city's most recent title actually came this past year in the MLS, with the Rapids winning it all. The Avalanche and Rockies are fun teams to root for, and the Broncos wowed us during the Elway days. My answer would be unequivocal were it not for one man: Tim Tewbow. I just can't stand the guy. Still, I won't let one player ruin a city. I Love Denver.

Phoenix - Teams: Cardinals, Diamondbacks, Suns, Coyotes - Dear Phoenix, you have no business having a hockey team, your football and baseball teams have been less than impressive recently, and your basketball team is a perennial underachiever. And your climate is uncomfortably warm. I Hate Phoenix.

Atlanta - Teams: Falcons, Braves, Hawks, Thrashers - For some reason, I find myself rooting for Atlanta teams quite often. The Falcons went through a lot with the whole Mike Vick ordeal, and have bounced back admirably. The Braves, though struggling a bit, are one of the best run franchises in baseball. My only quip is that Atlanta absolutely should not have a hockey team. Has there ever been ice there? Whatever. I Love Atlanta.

New York - Teams: Jets, Giants, Yankees, Mets, Knicks, Rangers, Islanders, Red Bulls - New York has too many teams, and most of them are annoying. Plus it's dirty. I Hate New York.

Dallas - Teams: Cowboys, Rangers, Mavericks, Stars, FC Dallas - I don't mind the Rangers. I can tolerate the Stars and FC Dallas, and I actually kind of like the Mavs. But the Cowboys ruin Dallas for me. Thanks for taking a primetime game every week of the season. I hate the Cowboys and I Hate Dallas.

Philadelphia - Teams: Eagles, Phillies, 76ers, Flyers, Union - Philadelphia is rapidly become one of the best sports cities in America. The fans are passionate. The teams are excellent - the Eagles, Phillies, and Flyers contend for titles every year. (Now, about those Sixers...) I Love Philadelphia.

Los Angeles - Teams: Angels, Dodgers, Lakers, Clippers, Kings, Ducks, Galaxy, Chivas USA - Los Angeles doesn't have a football team. Yikes. Lost Angeles does have a Kobe Bryant. Double yikes. I Hate Los Angeles.

Boston - Teams: Patriots, Red Sox, Celtics, Bruins, Revolution - No sense trying to hide the bias here. Go Pats, go Sox, go Celts, Go B's, and go Revs. I Love Boston.

Chicago - Teams: Bears, White Sox, Cubs, Blackhawks, Fire - Chicago is a great city with great sports teams. And I don't think anyone in the country would be upset if the Cubs won a world series. I Love Chicago.

Saturday, January 15, 2011


I simply could not have been more wrong about the first 2 games. Let's hope for better tomorrow.

NFL Playoffs: Divisional Round Picks

We're back for weekend #2 of the NFL playoffs, perhaps the best weekend of football all year. Here are the picks for the four big games:

#5 Baltimore vs. #2 Pittsburgh
Expectations: An absolutely excellent game of football with a fast pace, hard hits, and a margin of victory under 7 points.
Big Twist: Big Ben breaks both of his feet, but somehow manages to continue playing.
Deciding Factor: When teams are this closely matched, I always like the team that isn't coming off a bye. Never underestimate the power of momentum.
Final Score: Baltimore 27, Pittsburgh 24

#6 Green Bay vs. #1 Atlanta
Expectations: A harsh realization for all of the media members who have already crowned the Packers as NFC champs.
Big Twist: Everyone on the Packers is still injured, remember?
Deciding Factor: Matty Ice.
Final Score: Atlanta 31, Green Bay 24

#4 Seattle vs. #2 Chicago
Expectations: Both teams will try very hard.
Big Twist: Marshawn Lynch struggles to find "beast mode" again.
Deciding Factor: Miracles don't happens happen twice.
Final Score: Chicago 31, Seattle 20

#6 New York vs. #1 New England
Expectations: Lots and lots of trash talk.
Big Twist: The motion of Rex Ryan's wife's feet. Had to get a foot joke in here somewhere.
Deciding Factor: New England being really good at football.
Final Score: New England 38, New York 17

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Bowl Season In Review

The college bowl season has finally come to an end, with the Auburn Tigers knocking off the Oregon Ducks to become the undisputed* champions of the world.
And so, in light of the bowl season, I present to you the results of every bowl game, divided into my own special categories.
Bowls That We Could Do Without (there are a lot of them)
New Mexico Bowl
BYU 52 UTEP 24
uDrove Humanitarian Bowl
Northern Illinois 40 Fresno State 17
R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl,
Ohio 21 Troy 48
Beef 'O' Brady's St. Petersburg Bowl
Southern Mississippi 28 Louisville 31
MAACO Las Vegas Bowl
Utah 3 Boise State 26
S.D. County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl
Navy 14 San Diego State 35
Sheraton Hawaii Bowl
Hawaii 35 Tulsa 62
Little Caesars Bowl
Florida International 34 Toledo 32
AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl
Air Force 14 Georgia Tech 7
Champs Sports Bowl
West Virginia 7 NC State 23
Military Bowl Presented By Northrop Grumman
East Carolina 20 Maryland 51
Texas Bowl
Illinois 38 Baylor 14
Valero Alamo Bowl
Oklahoma State 36 Arizona 10
Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl
Army 16 SMU 14 
Meineke Car Care Bowl
South Florida 31 Clemson 26
Hyundai Sun Bowl
Notre Dame 33 Miami 17
AutoZone Liberty Bowl
Georgia 6 UCF 10
Discover Orange Bowl
Stanford 40 Virginia Tech 12 Bowl
Middle Tennessee 21 Miami (Ohio) 35
BBVA Compass Bowl
Pittsburgh 27 Kentucky 10
Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl
Nevada 20 Boston College 13
Bowls That Were Surprisingly Entertaining
Insight Bowl
Missouri 24 Iowa 27
New Era Pinstripe Bowl
Kansas St. 34 Syracuse 36 
Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl
North Carolina 30 Tennessee 27 (final / 20T)
TicketCity Bowl
Northwestern 38 Texas Tech 45
Bowls That Disappointed
Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl
Nebraska 7 Washington 19
Chick-fil-A Bowl
South Carolina 17 Florida State 26 

Outback Bowl
Florida 37 Penn State 24 
Capital One Bowl
Alabama 49 Michigan State 7
Gator Bowl
Mississippi State 52 Michigan 14
Tostitos Fiesta Bowl
Connecticut 20 Oklahoma 48
AT&T Cotton Bowl
LSU 41 Texas A&M 24 

Bowls That Lived Up To The Hype
Rose Bowl Game presented by VIZIO 
Wisconsin 19 TCU 21
Allstate Sugar Bowl
Ohio State 31 Arkansas 26
Tostitos BCS National Championship Game
Oregon 19 Auburn 22

The moral of this laundry list of bowls is simple: there are too many games. There's lots to say about the bowl system and all the things it screws up. But before we go pointing fingers, the bowls bring some positives as well. Every bowl is a festival, another 3 hours of football for us to watch. But the fact is, right now, most of the match ups are terrible. You'd think that if teams like Northern Illinois and Fresno State were going to get bowl invites, the bowl committees would at least be able to find competitive games for them But that simply isn't the case. If the bowl system is going to continue, and it looks like it will, then bowls desperately needs to make some changes.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Casual Wild Card Preview

Saints vs. Seahawks

Given: The Seahawks will go 3 and out or turn the ball over on at least 50% of possessions.
Wild Card: Reggie Bush's semi-intact leg.
Deciding factor: Seattle's inability to play football.
Final Score: Saints 42, Seahawks 17

Jets vs. Colts

Given: Rex Ryan will go to town on a whale-sized snack at halftime.
Wild Card: Peyton Manning's ability to avoid interceptions??? That just doesn't feel right.
Deciding Factor: A rash Mark Sanchez pick during a potential game-tying drive.
Final Score: Colts 31, Jets 24

Ravens vs. Chiefs

Given: Ed Reed will intercept a pass, then make an embarrassingly rash lateral that the Ravens fumble but somehow recover after the ball slips through the hands of 3 Chiefs.
Wild Card: Ray Rice. Will he go off like he did last year against the Patriots?
Deciding Factor: Matt Cassel's playoff inexperience.
Final Score: Ravens 24, Chiefs 13

Packers vs. Eagles

Given: Mike Vick not being incarcerated is bad news for Green Bay.
Wild Card: Andy Ried's head-scratching decisions when it comes to...well, everything.
Deciding Factor: A DeSean Jackson taunt en route to the endzone that goes horribly awry as time expires.
Final Score: Packers 27, Eagles 26

Friday, January 7, 2011

NFL Wild Card Playoff Lines

The lines for the Wild Card round of the playoffs have been announced, and from here it looks like easy money. All of the lines are tiny, and I'm taking the favorite in every game. Honestly, how much do you think New Orleans is going to beat Seattle by? 20? Infinity billion? The line is NO -10. It's like they're giving money away. Indy is going to beat an overrated Jets team by at least 7, Baltimore is going to handle a Kansas City team that hasn't beaten anyone worth mentioning this season, and Mike Vick will scramble his way to a close victory over Green bay, but it'll be by a field goal. Here's how it looks:

New Orleans (-10) @ Seattle
New York @ Indianapolis (-2.5)
Baltimore (-3) @ Kansas City
Green Bay @ Philadelphia (-2.5)

P.S. - It was recently brought to my attention that "Kansas" is in "Arkansas". So should Kansas be pronounced "Kan-Saw" or should Arkansas be pronounced how it's spelled? You be the judge.

The Backside Georges: Champion of the Sports Casual Fantasy Football League

Like your life depended on it.

Congratulations to The Backside Georges, who defeated Petey Jones. RB. in the Championship to win the Sports Casual fantasy football league. Here's a look at the roster and the journey for the first ever Sports Casual champions.

Regular Season: 12-2, 1st place in Chuck Downfield's Dad's Socks
Quarterfinals: #1 seed, BYE
Semifinals: def. TwoDat, 94-93
Championship: def. Petey Jones. RB. 99-69

QB Aaron Rodgers
WR Calvin Johnson
WR Mohamed Massaquoi
WR Roy Williams
RB Arian Foster
RB Rashad Jennings
TE Dustin Keller
K Adam Vinatieri
DEF Green Bay
Bench Thomas Jones
Bench Antonio Gates
Bench Mike Wallace
Bench Darrius Heyward-Bey
Bench Maurice Morris
Bench Josh Scobee

Congratulations to a great team!

Thanks to everyone who played this season. Hopefully we can make this league a tradition.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Crazy Hits

...more legitimate posts will return when my vacation is over.