Wednesday, October 26, 2011

On Like Ndamukong

In honor of the XFL's 10 year anniversary, I think it's only right that we honor the greatest idea in XFL history: the scramble.

The coin toss is boring and outdated. Why should we use luck to determine who gets the ball first? Let's make them earn that decision. After thinking of the possibilities, I decided to rank the top 5 potential matchups in the scramble.

(honorable mention players: Andre Johnson, Calvin Johnson, Adrian Peterson, Patrick Willis, Ray Lewis, Suggs, Suh, Ware, Peppers, Blount, and LeBron James)

5) Chris Johnson vs. Desean Jackson - We'll finally get to know who really is the fastest player in the NFL. Only downside, this will probably be over in about 4.25 seconds, and neither player likes contact. Here's hoping for a photo finish.

4) Darrelle Revis vs. an average NFL receiver - I just want to see how long it takes the receiver to get off the line. Revis may just jam him for a few hours, until the receiver gives up and Revis can just walk to the ball.

3) Vince Wilfork vs. Haloti Ngata - I vote that for this one, we have them start on opposite sides of the ball and we give both of them a running start. I actually have no idea how this one will end, but it's safe to say that the ball would be in severe danger for this event. So many possibilities, even Bill Belichick won't know what's going to happen.

2) Eli vs. Peyton Manning - If I were commissioner of the NFL, I would make it a rule that brothers would have to compete in this. Especially when both are slow and white. This might take forever, and every dirty trick will be used. Eventually, both players would forget about the ball and just start fighting. Maybe, Curtis Painter and Curtis Painter's hair would even tag in to get a few punches in. Maybe this one should've been number 1.

1) Ed Reed vs. Troy Polomalu - I probably should've chosen two linebackers for this, since they tend to be the most vicious players in the NFL. But something really intrigues me about this matchup. These two improvise more than any other player in the league, and that's why we watch. We don't want to see the game go the way it's planned. We want to see something never seen before. We want to see a future Top 10 play. We want Larry Bird deciding to only shoot with his left hands, because he's bored. Ed Reed and Troy Polomalu would be such a great battle. I can't believe we're wasting our time with a coin toss.


  1. Hilarious. My favorite part is that, in the video clips, UPN has the TV coverage...

  2. 0) Ndamukong Suh vs. a Bronco - And I don't mean the football team. As much as I would like to see Ndamukong do to Tim Tebow's what he did to Jake Delhomme ( for those who have forgotten), I really just want to see him tackle a fucking horse.

  3. I thought Antonio Cromartie vs. all 9 of his kids would potentially be a great matchup as well

    maybe before Thanksgiving dinner?