Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Trading Spaces

When I was in 6th grade, I was the tallest kid in my class, and was dominant on the basketball courts. I spent every practice working on post moves, pushing around smaller kids, and trying to dunk the basketball.

Then everyone else started growing up. I never grew any taller. My post moves stopped being effective. Reality set in. My athletic career was essentially obsolete.

Now, I can only dream of scoring touchdowns, hitting home runs, and making game winning 3 pointers. But if I'm just gonna make up fictional scenarios, why not just pretend I'm somebody else? Why not just switch lives with someone who's already done that?

Which leads us to the "Who would I most want to switch lives with" question.

The criteria for having a great life:
1) being one of the greatest of all time in your industry (both from an individual and team perspective)
2) being famous (the majority of society should know who you are)
3) dating/marrying someone that I would absolutely want to marry/date
4) money

There are two obvious answers: Jay-Z and Tom Brady. I don't even have to explain, so they are clearly in the top tier.

Let's see if there are any competitors. There are no correct answers. But there are stupid opinions.

(In no particular order)

1) David Beckham - Signed a $250 million contract. One of the greatest and most well-known players in the world's most popular sport. Two-time runner up for the FIFA World Player of the Year Award and took home the ESPY for best male soccer player in 2004. Also, he's married to Posh Spice.

2) Justin Timberlake - With his recent engagement, he might possibly be the top contender. From his time in 'N Sync, to his record label, to starring in The Social Network, Justin has had incredible success in a few different industries. He's also a golfer.

3) Cristiano Ronaldo - Does extremely well on the field and off the field. Money's definitely not an issue. Like Beckham, plays in the world's most popular sports, and is one of the few guys who is consistently scoring goals in that sport. The only issue? Every time I look in the mirror I'd be reminded how much of a douchebag I am.

4) Tiger Woods - Two years ago, he is clearly in the top tier. No question about it. Now, it's hard to get past the fact that he will forever have a tarnished legacy (despite the fact that what he did had nothing to do with golf). With that said, Tiger Woods is golf. He will become increasingly more popular once he starts winning again, and I'm sure he will find a new girl(s) soon enough.

5) Derek Jeter - Money, championships, women, clutch plays. All those are nice. But why Derek Jeter? Because he owns the greatest city in the world. It's one thing to be a famous. It's another thing to be a legend.

Honorable mention:
Brad Pitt - I just want to be Tyler Durden
Justin Bieber - lots of potential, but a lot of room for error
Michael Jordan - still on the cover of an NBA video game 15 years after retiring. Arguably the coolest athlete ever. But there's the whole "he's the biggest asshole of all time" and recent divorce thing, too.
Wayne Gretzky - possibly the most respected and most liked athlete of his time. Greatest hockey player ever.


  1. also up for consideration:

    Andy Roddick
    Will Smith
    Mark Zuckerber
    Usain Bolt

  2. Another thing worth considering: how much I want to do this guy's job. Being a quarterback is awesome. Being a rap mogul is awesome. Having to play soccer all the time sounds like it sucks (Beckham, Ronaldo). So does having to answer tweets from a bunch of 12-year-old girls (Bieber).

  3. Does your title mean to refer to the movie "Trading Places"? A classic about a homeless man who is given the oppurtunity to become a trader and gets to experience the lavish and wonderful lifestyle of Wall Street.

    Also, I completely agree with you that New York is the greatest city in the world. Good call on that one, although I feel Jay-Z is no doubt more New York than Jeter, who was born in Jersey.

  4. Jay-Z and Brady are the obvious choices. I'd be down with waking up in the life of Usain Bolt too. My coach used to tell me that the reason Bolt is so fast is because he eats lots of yams. I tried that, too. It didn't work.

    1. Eating yams and sitting on your ass isn't going to make you faster.