Missing Persons Case Solved: Rich Rodriguez Found Hiding Under A Rock

The 48-hour search for Michigan's head football coach has finally come to an end. It ended happily (or not, depending on who's side you're on), with the coach alive and well. Rodriguez was found alone, hiding under a rock, singing kumbaya.

It isn't clear why exactly the 15-21 head coach ran away in the first place, but experts think that it must have something to do with one of the following reasons:

• An ugly lawsuit with West Virginia
• Continuous controversy over NCAA violations
• Posting the worst record ever (3-9) for the winningest program in college football history
• Snapping the nation's longest bowl-appearance streak at 33
• Losing to Ohio State three times in a row, including the two worst losses ever
• Leading Michigan to an 0-12 record against teams that finish with a Big Ten record of .500 or better

It's hard to say, really.

While Michigan fans are devastated by the news that RichRod is alright, the other Big Ten coaches are rejoicing. Getting Rich back is a blessing, said one coach who wished to remain anonymous. He'll continue to make Michigan a competitive program - competing with teams like Indiana and Minnesota for the bottom of the division.

Rodriguez did not want to discuss his episode, saying that it would only distract the team from what's really important. We've only got a month to prepare for the PapaJohns.com Bowl, he said. And then, I'll be busy hunting for a job.

NFL Picks: Week 12

	Minnesota	-2	At Washington
	Pittsburgh	-6.5	At Buffalo
	At Houston	-5	Tennessee
	At NY Giants	-7.5	Jacksonville
	At Cleveland	-8	Carolina
	At Baltimore	-7.5	Tampa Bay
	Philadelphia	-3	At Chicago
	At Atlanta	-2	Green Bay
	At Oakland	-3	Miami
	Kansas City	-1.5	At Seattle
	At Denver	-3	St. Louis
	At Indianapolis	-2	San Diego

Monday Night Football Line

	San Francisco	-1	At Arizona

Countdown Friday: The Top 5 Sports Days Of The Year

5. Black Friday - Perhaps one of the more underrated sports days, the day after Thanksgiving is always full of great games to watch. Sleeping in and spending a day on the couch is an excellent alternative to 5 a.m. fist fights at Toys R Us. There are always plenty of college basketball games, some NHL contests, and a few great college football matchups.


4. Thanksgiving - The day after Thanksgiving is great, but it doesn't quite top Thanksgiving day itself. There's high school football from the time you wake up until the afternoon, at which point you can shift your attention towards the pro game. The three games match the holiday schedule perfectly: appetizers (12:30 game), Thanksgiving dinner (4:30 game), food coma (8:20 game).


3. March Madness Opening Day(s) - For these two days, we put aside all the schoolwork or desk work and turn our eyes to the television. Productivity is at an annual low and sick days hit their yearly highs. The opening of the NCAA tournament is a spectacle, a circus, and one of the happiest days of the year.


2. Super Bowl Sunday - Super Bowl Sunday is the closest thing to a national holiday that the sports world has. All day long, you can watch pregame shows, season lookback shows, or even crappy Super Bowl inspired programming like "MTV's Rocks vs. Jocks." And when the game itself finally arrives, it's always a treat. The football is fantastic, the commercials are (sometimes) hilarious, and there's always more food than anyone could possibly want.


1. New Year's Day - The greatest sports day of the year is, without a doubt, New Year's Day. From the time you wake up, you are bombarded with sports. In fact, there is almost too much to watch. The schedule of college bowl games goes as follows: Outback Bowl, Capital One Bowl, Gator Bowl, Rose Bowl, Sugar Bowl. Wow. Add in the NHL Winter Classic, and you have an unbelievable day of sports.

Why I Love Thanksgiving

...no further explanation necessary. Enjoy the holiday and all that you are thankful for.


Happy Thanksgiving!

-The Casual Sports Fans

Breaking News: Miami Heat players admit: “We forgot to learn how to play basketball this offseason”

With all of the hype surround the Miami Heat going into the season, an 8-6 start has to be considered an immense disappointment. How is it that a team with 3 star players (James, Wade, and of course, Eddie House) could have such a lackluster first month of play, boasting a record identical to that of the Portland Trailblazers?

Well, we may have our answer. A Miami Heat player who wishes to remain anonymous recently explained the situation:

As soon as we found out we’d have James, Bosh, and Wade, we knew we’d have to practice a lot. And we did. We practiced photo shoots. We practiced standing behind them looking tough. We practiced behaving arrogantly to the media. We even had an exhibition preseason rally in preparation of our actually preseason rally. Unfortunately, with all this going on, we forgot to learn how to play basketball this offseason.

The Heat didn’t plan on going into the season cold. Apparently, there was a practice scheduled the day before the opener vs. the Celtics. We got there at 1 pm, ready to go, said another Heat player. We were about to start practicing when LeBron couldn’t decide: red headband or white headband? By the time we figured it out, it was time for Bosh’s nap.

This lack of drive makes sense, really. Practice is superfluous for the already ESPN-crowned NBA champions of the next 6 years.  But the Heat, who would at least like to entertain the 500 or so fans in their building, realize that they need to do better.

We’ve starting getting down to business. We haven’t picked up a basketball yet, but we have practiced forgiving LeBron for turning the ball over, hugging D. Wade when he goes 3 for 19, and destroying all the paperwork that would send Chris Bosh on a trip to the D-League.

Soon to be ex-coach Eric Spolestra declined to comment on the lack of practice. He did, however, comment on the Haslem injury. We’re sad to lose such an important player, Spolestra said. But as a team, you have to move on. We'll be starting an ottoman at the center position. We think it gives us the best chance to win.