Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Suck to Unsuck the Suck for Luck

Indianapolis was well on their way to a historic season. Two weeks ago, 0-16 was pointing straight at them. And their fans could not be happier. Some franchises go 40 years without a competent quarterback. Indianapolis was about to secure back-to-back superstar quarterbacks in Peyton Manning and Andrew Luck. All that stood in their way was 3 division games.

It was at this point that, according to unnamed sources, owners Bud Adams, Bob McNair, and whoever owns the Jacksonville Jaguars put in motion what's been called "Suck for Not Luck." The plan was to simply out-tank the tanking Colts. Whenever the Colts started to suck, they would suck even harder.

The Colts first matchup came against the Tennessee Titans. Despite desperately needing the win to make the playoffs, the Titans could not afford to hand the Colts the number one pick. Three turnovers, including a pick-six, and one 80-yard TD run due to "poor tackling" later, the AFC South was one win closer to facing Justin Blackmon for the next decade.

Next, the Dan Orlovsky led Colts welcomed the Houston Texans on Thursday Night. Being a nationally televised game, the Texans had to make sure that it wasn't too obvious that they were not trying. But, when leading by 4 points, the Texans smartly decided to take Pro Bowl cornerback Jonathan Joseph off Reggie Wayne in the final seconds, allowing him to score the game winning touchdown. The AFC South was again one win closer to having to face Justin Blackmon next year.

This Sunday, the Indianapolis Colts will visit the Jacksonville Jaguars. Unlike the Texans and Titans, the Jaguars don't have to pretend they suck. They just need to make sure Blaine Gabbert is a crucial part of their gameplan. The AFC South could be decided for the next 15 years on Sunday. For better or worse.


  1. net present value decision making at its finest

  2. props to Pop Sensation for contributing the original idea behind the article.

    Also, don't be surprised if Peyton Manning is secretly behind all of this...