Missing Persons Case Solved: Rich Rodriguez Found Hiding Under A Rock

The 48-hour search for Michigan's head football coach has finally come to an end. It ended happily (or not, depending on who's side you're on), with the coach alive and well. Rodriguez was found alone, hiding under a rock, singing kumbaya.

It isn't clear why exactly the 15-21 head coach ran away in the first place, but experts think that it must have something to do with one of the following reasons:

• An ugly lawsuit with West Virginia
• Continuous controversy over NCAA violations
• Posting the worst record ever (3-9) for the winningest program in college football history
• Snapping the nation's longest bowl-appearance streak at 33
• Losing to Ohio State three times in a row, including the two worst losses ever
• Leading Michigan to an 0-12 record against teams that finish with a Big Ten record of .500 or better

It's hard to say, really.

While Michigan fans are devastated by the news that RichRod is alright, the other Big Ten coaches are rejoicing. Getting Rich back is a blessing, said one coach who wished to remain anonymous. He'll continue to make Michigan a competitive program - competing with teams like Indiana and Minnesota for the bottom of the division.

Rodriguez did not want to discuss his episode, saying that it would only distract the team from what's really important. We've only got a month to prepare for the PapaJohns.com Bowl, he said. And then, I'll be busy hunting for a job.