Wednesday, February 9, 2011
London Officials Vote To Rename Landmark
By an overwhelming 569 to 81 majority, the British Parliament voted to rename historic "Big Ben." The iconic clock will now be referred to simply as "Hagrid".
To the outside world, this change seems sudden. But to Londoners, it was long over due. "We were simply tired of having one of our greatest landmarks associated with such a stupid git," commented one British official. "The motorcycle accident was one thing, but this business with the assault was too much."Surely the Super Bowl added insult to injury, as now Pittsburgh's Big Ben has a reputation not only as a bad man but also as a loser.
Many wonder why the quarterback did not have to change his nickname, seeing as the clock was there first. In fact, there has been a push in certain U.S. circles to begin referring to Roethlisberger as "slightly-below-average-size Ben."
"We approached him about it," said Parliament member Neville Sillybritches. "But he made it very clear that he was going to get his way."
Other potential new names for "Big Ben" that were being considered include "Oversized Timepiece" and "Aggressively Large Benjamin." When asked why the committee settled on Hagrid, Sillybritches replied, "We still wanted our clock to be associated with an big bearded oaf, but we wanted one with a kind heart. Not an arsehole."