Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Breaking News: The Search For LeBron James Begins
A Miami Heat spokesperson has confirmed this morning that LeBron James is indeed missing. Heat players and coaches expected the 6' 8" forward to show up for NBA Finals games 1, 2, 3, and 4, but so far the self-anointed "King" is nowhere to be found.
We caught up with coach Erik Spoelstra, who gave us one of his favorite lines. "A lot of guys have been crying in the locker room, Spoelstra said. "And by a lot of guys, I'm mostly referring to me," he clarified.
The Heat are willing to offer $10,000 worth of LeBron James Cleveland memorabilia to anyone who provides information that leads search parties to James' location. Citizens are advised to look for James hiding behind an inflated sense of ego. If you find once-loyal fans whose souls have been crushed, he is likely near.