Thursday, January 26, 2012

Happy Australia Day

Today marks the annual celebration of Australia Day, the national holiday for that country that somehow also gets to be a continent. It's the first I've heard about this holiday, but if what they tell me about Australians is true, it sounds like a pretty good time. Today, then, we honor the most famous Australians in sports. So grab a Fosters, put some shrimp on the barbie, and maybe make some Australian friends so you can learn more about the land down under than these two stereotypes.

Lleyton Hewitt

Know him?: Probably.
Sport: Tennis.
Accolades: 2001 U.S. Open Champion, 2002 Wimbledon Champion, World #1.
Pros: Being ranked #1 in the world for anything, for any length of time, is a pretty cool accomplishment.
Cons: It was tennis.

Ian Thorpe

Know him?: It's possible.
Sport: Competitive buoyancy.
Accolades: A plethora of Olympic medals, including 5 golds.
Pros: The "Thorpedo" is an awesome nickname.
Cons: Only five?

Tim Cahill

Know him?: Do you call soccer "soccer" or "football?"
Sport: Soccer
Accolades: 55 English Premier League goals, all-time leading World Cup scorer for Australia
Pros: A cracking strike!
Cons: What the fuck Evan, we're down 2 points!

Steve Irwin

Know him?: I should hope so.
Sport: Hunting crocodiles.
Accolades: Multitudes of crocodiles hunted.
Pros: Turned what should have been a pointless and mundane activity into sensational television.
Cons: May he rest in peace.

Ben Graham

Know him?: How deep does your fantasy draft go?
Sport: (American) Football.
Accolades: Tied NFL record for most punts inside 20.
Pros: 3+ seasons with the Arizona Cardinals means lots of punting opportunities.
Cons: Australian Rules Football makes no sense. None. (The AC-DC doesn't help.)

Hugh Jackman

Know him?: *Sigh.* Yes.
Sport: Some type of surrogate robot boxing.
Accolades: This film somehow made it to theaters.
Pros: I guess, the whole Wolverine thing...?
Cons: According to Wikipedia, at the end, the bad guy wins ON POINTS. That's not how robot boxing should work.

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