Sunday, January 15, 2012

Oh No, Tebow


Last night, the New England Patriots brought Denver's miraculous season to a crashing halt. With the loss comes this reckless prediction: Tim Tebow will never start another postseason game in his career. The stalwart New England defense and the powerhouse Kansas City Chiefs have shown the rest of the league how to stop the Teb-meister: put any 11 guys on the field, contain the edges, and loosely cover underneath routs.

Before we say goodbye to Tim Tebow forever, I'd like to play one of my favorite games that I just invented. I call it: "Teach Me How To Tebow." Below are the statistics for Tiny Tim and the starting quarterback for the opposing team in each of Tebow's 13 starts. Can you pick which stat line belongs to Tim Tebow?

Week 7: Denver at Miami (Moore)
A) 22 for 33, 197 yards, 1 TD, 0 INT
B) 13 for 27, 161 yards, 2 TD, 0 INT

Week 8: Denver vs. Detroit (Stafford)
A) 21 for 30, 267 yards, 3 TD, 0 INT
B) 18 for 39, 172 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT

Week 9: Denver at Oakland (Palmer)
A) 10 for 21, 124 yards, 2 TD, 0 INT
B) 19 for 35, 332 yards, 3 TD, 3 INT

Week 10: Denver at Kansas City (Cassel)
A) 13 for 28, 93 yards, 1 TD, 0 INT
B) 2 for 8, 69 yards, 1 TD, 0 INT

Week 11: Denver vs. New York Jets (Sanchez)
A) 9 for 20, 104 yards, 0 TD, 0 INT
B) 24 for 40, 252 yards, 0 TD, 1 INT

Week 12: Denver at San Diego (Rivers)
A) 9 for 18, 143 yards, 1 TD, 0 INT
B) 19 for 36, 188 yards, 1 TD, 0 INT

Week 13: Denver at Minnesota (Ponder)
A) 10 for 15, 202 yards, 2 TD, 0 INT
B) 29 for 47, 381 yards, 3 TD, 2 INT

Week 14: Denver vs. Chicago (Hanie)
A) 12 for 19, 115 yards, 0 TD, 0 INT
B) 21 for 40, 236 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT

Week 15: Denver vs. New England (Brady)
A) 11 for 22, 194 yards, 0 TD, 0 INT
B) 23 for 34, 320 yards, 2 TD, 0 INT

Week 16: Denver at Buffalo (Fitzpatrick)
A) 13 for 29, 185 yards, 1 TD, 3 INT
B) 15 for 27, 196 yards, 0 TD, 0 INT

Week 17: Denver vs. Kansas City (Orton)
A) 15 for 29, 180 yards, 0 TD, 0 INT
B) 6 for 22, 60 yards, 0 TD, 1 INT

Wild Card: Denver vs. Pittsburgh (Roethlisberger)
A) 22 for 40, 289 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT
B) 10 for 21, 316 yards, 2 TD, 0 INT

Divisional: Denver at New England (Brady)
A) 9 for 26, 136 yards, 0 TD, 0 INT
B) 26 for 34, 363 yards, 6 TD, 1 INT


Answers: B, B, A, B, A, A, A, B (really), A, A, B, B (twist), A (order is restored)


What does your score mean?


A Perfect 13: Married to Gisele B√ľndchen
10-12 correct: State Farm commercial co-star
7-9 correct: President of the the Kyle Orton Fan Club
Less than 7 correct: Starting quarterback for the Denver Broncos

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