NFL Picks: Week 16

The Games that Matter:


New York (A) at Chicago
-Why anyone should care: The Jets have a chance to clinch a playoff spot with a win today, while the Bears, who have already clinched the NFC North, are the frontrunners for the two-seed and a playoff bye.
-Bold Prediction: Jay Cutler does not throw a red-zone INT today.
-Not-so-bold Prediction: The city of New York spends the duration of this game upset with Mark Sanchez. Not mad, just disappointed.
-If This Game Were a Food: Pancakes. All exciting at first, but by the end you're fucking sick of them.
-Final Score: Bears 27, Jets 17

Washington at Jacksonville
-Why anyone should care: Jacksonville is, sadly, still in the hunt for a wild card or the division.
-Bold Prediction: Rex Grossman and John Beck will both get hurt, but Donovan McNabb will do his best Albert Haynesworth impression and refuse to play, forcing Graham Gano to go under center.
-Not-so-bold Prediction: EverBank Field will look like a ghost town.
-If This Game Were a Food: Brussel sprouts. Yuck.
-Final Score: Jacksonville 33, Washington 17

Baltimore at Cleveland
-Why anyone should care: With a win, Baltimore clinches a playoff birth and keeps pace with the AFC North-leading Pittsburgh Steelers. Cleveland is, at least, not Detroit.
-Bold Prediction: Lebron James makes a surprise start at tight--...oh wait never mind. Awkward...
-Not-so-bold Prediction: Colt McCoy is the savoir of the Cleveland Browns
-If This Game Were a Food: Enchilada. Unpleasant to look at, but delicious, with a kick.
-Final Score: Cleveland 20, Baltimore 17

Tennessee at Kansas City
-Why anyone should care: They really shouldn't.
-Bold Prediction: Matt Cassel will have an emergency spleen removal during halftime but will return in time for the start of the 3rd quarter.
-Not-so-bold Prediction: Neither team will play very impressive football.
-If This Game Were a Food: Shredded wheat. Disappointingly bland, and a bad way to start your day.
-Final Score: Kansas City 24, Tennessee 12

San Francisco at St. Louis
-Why anyone should care: Both teams still have a shot at the NFC West title??? And could still host a playoff game??????????????????
-Bold Prediction: These two teams will actually produce something that mildly resembles football.
-Not-so-bold Prediction: One team will score more points than the other.
-If This Game Were a Food: An apple turnover. Get it???
-Final Score: San Francisco 31, St. Louis 21

Indianapolis at Oakland
-Why anyone should care: Indy is now in the driver's seat for the AFC South, but a slipup could put the Jaguars back in control.
-Bold Prediction: Darren McFadden will run for 600 yards.
-Not-so-bold Prediction: Darren McFadden will run for at least 1 yard.
-If This Game Were a Food: Pulled pork sandwich. I am struggling with this metaphor.
-Final Score: Oakland 31, Indianapolis 30

New York (N) at Green Bay
-Why anyone should care: The Giants can clinch, while the Packers need to stay in the hunt.
-Bold Prediction: Eli Manning will throw less than 3 interceptions.
-Not-so-bold Prediction: A member of the Packers will score a touchdown and then jump into the stands. I believe they call it the "Lambeau Leap."
-If This Game Were a Food: General Gao's. High expectations, never disappoints.
-Final Score: Green Bay 32, New York 20

New Orleans at Atlanta

-Why anyone should care: This game is by far the best matchup of the week. The Falcons can clinch the division with a W.

-Bold Prediction: Matt Ryan will once again earn the nickname "Matty Ice" (someone's going to have to explain that one to me) after leading the Falcons on a 99-yard drive in the last 30 seconds to win the game.

-Not-so-bold Prediction: The Monday Night Football commentators will struggle to offer any insightful analysis.

-If This Game Were a Food (or drink): Dos Equis. I don't usually watch NFC South games, but when I do, I prefer Atlanta vs. New Orleans

-Final Score: Atlanta 27, New Orleans 26

The Games that Don't Matter:


Detroit at Miami (-3.5)

New England (-8) at Buffalo

Houston (-2.5) at Denver

Seattle at Tampa Bay (-6.5)

San Diego (-8) at Cincinnati

Minnesota at Philadelphia (-14)